How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, 20th Anniversary Edition

This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships.

“Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include:


• Becoming conscious of our relationship patterns and how they relate to childhood

• Recognizing and attracting someone who can show adult love

• Understanding the phases relationships go through

• Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries

• Overcoming fears of abandonment and engulfment

• Expressing anger and other emotions in adult and loving ways

• Surviving break-ups with our self-esteem intact

• Understanding love as a spiritual journey