I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

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I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

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I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

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I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is the definition of "Good Bad", from the title that describes the entire plot, to the broad-brush performances, to the suspension of disbelief that comes when you know the budget is laughably small, but you *don't care*. Those who love the work of Troma will discover that the British can do the same thing, and with even more gore and humour.

Neil Morrissey, pre "Men behaving Badly", plays Noddy, an innocent young Birmingham motorbike courier who buys a classic Norton with a dark history. What follows provides a hilariously imaginative reworking of every scene you'd expect from a self-respecting vamp flick, but on two wheels and set in Birmingham. The special effects are zero-budget but enthusiastic, and the title creature in its mutated hunting guise is a highly impressive piece of kit, complete with Ancient Briton-style axle blades. Morrissey looks as terrified and bemused as the script requires him to be, but the film is stolen by Anthony "C3PO" Daniels as a camply gung-ho biker exorcist, complete with razor-sharp throwing-crosses. Michael Elphick provides sterling support as a Sweeney-esque copper with a life-saving taste in snacks. As the punk rock soundtrack pounds (complete with inevitable theme song "She Runs On Blood…She Don't Run On Gasoline) and the severed heads of Hells Angels fly across the screen, you will revel in thrills, spills, cheap sexual innuendo, and low comedy. See it.

IMDB Reviewer

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When you watch any film with "Vampire Motorcycle" in the title you know you are in for a very silly ride. The moment the bike of the title is possessed with the murdered soul of a dead Satanist biker - all your suspicions will be answered.

Back in '80s the British horror film was not in a fit state. The glory days of Hammer were long gone and the likes of Pete Walker and Norman J. Warren had vanished. The horror output of the once great cinematic nation had fizzled to next to nothing. For every classic An American Werewolf in London or Hellraiser, the UK had to deal with the likes of Dream Demon and Rawhead Rex. So when I Brought a Vampire Motorcycle was released in 1990 it was greeted with much fan fanfare, so desperate was the horror community for some home-grown horror product.

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I Brought a Vampire Motorcycle is most certainly a very British affair. Not surprising as it was made during shooting breaks of a hugely successful British television comedy drama Boon. That show starred Michael Elphick - Jimmy the Mod's Dad from Quadrophenia - and Neil Morrissey, both who feature in this film. I Brought a Vampire Motorcycle was written by the shows scribes and using many of the shows moonlighting crew and borrowed equipment, they shot the film whenever Boon was not in front of the cameras. Apart from its more salacious moments, the film does play like a cheap 90s television show. The Acting in particular is amateur at best.

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The film tells the story of Noddy, played by Morrissey, a biker who buys a new Norton Commando behind his girlfriends back. Tinkering in his garage he soon discovers that his new bike runs better on blood than unleaded and is murdering the Hell's Angels who caused its vehicular torment. Soon Noddy is battling bikers and blood thirsty bikes with the aid of a leather clad priest played by C3PO himself, Anthony Daniels.
The bike effects reminded this reviewer of the Headless biker episode of Kolchak the Night Stalker. The film is gory in an early Peter Jackson style and the splattery effects, much like the films storyline, are played for laughs. The bike eats flesh and dismembers and decapitates its victims. In one cinematic first actor Daniel peacock is turned into a surreal, rubbery talking turd. What more could you want from a horror comedy than that?

David Michael Brown, Digital Retribution

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