«Blonde Bombshell» by Tom Holt

A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today . . .

The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt.

Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn't putting in any 'the's. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional.

Oh #// ! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel.