Glop: Nontoxic, Expensive Ideas That Will Make You Look Ridiculous and Feel Pretentious

Glop is a business and a website. But Glop is also a feeling. It’s about picking the right expensive organic eye cream that will make you fit seamlessly into the top tiers of high society and sits next to Bono at a 42-course seitan tasting dinner held in a sex dungeon deep beneath the North Pole. Glop is about being conscious to the tiny details of our lives—what to eat, where to buy your cashmere yoga pants, which juice cleanse will remove the most mercury toxins from both your body and your cashmere yoga pants. Glop is about you.

In this scathingly humorous parody, Gabrielle Moss skewers the vanity, elitism, and silliness of the lifestyle website everyone loves to hate. Here are favorite recipes, detoxes, activities, cleanses, beauty tips, juice cleanses, vacation destinations, and a selection of hand creams that will open your third eye—plus lots of celebrity namedropping and more.

Glop includes everything from the silly to sublime—make-at-home stem cell moisturizing repair masques, weekend colonics, restorative yoga poses (for when Sting is mad at you about that thing you did), and even the freshest bones for your bone broth. Here, too, are G’s essential tips on parenthood, relationships, work and finances, entertaining, food (well, maybe not food), spirituality, beauty, fashion, home, gifts, kids, and more. Nothing in Glop is sacred—except for a few Indian cows you can’t afford.